When a new baby arrives, it’s normal for older siblings to go through a wave of emotions. Sometimes these feelings can also surface as aggression, whether it’s through hitting, biting, or throwing tantrums. While this may seem challenging to handle, with a little patience, you can guide your child to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
Why Does Sibling Aggression Happen?
Before addressing how to manage aggression, it’s important to understand why it happens. A new baby requires a lot of parent attention, because of which the older preschooler might feel overlooked. In their world, attention equals love, and the sudden shift of focus to the new baby can lead to sibling rivalry in the form of jealousy, frustration and insecurity. Aggressive behaviour is one way some children express these difficult emotions.
How to Manage Sibling Aggression
Preschoolers are still learning how to express their emotions and cope with new situations. The arrival of a sibling can bring a range of feelings, from excitement to fear. Here are some tips that can help you in managing sibling rivalry in your preschoolers.
- Acknowledge Feelings: Acknowledging what your preschooler is feeling is the first step toward aggression management. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel jealous or angry, but it’s not acceptable to hurt others. Teaching them to understand and name their emotions is key to guiding them toward healthier ways of coping.
- Prioritise Their Needs Sometimes: When a new baby arrives, it’s easy to get caught up in their demands. Make an effort to put your preschooler’s needs first occasionally as this reassures them that they’re still a priority and reduces feelings of resentment toward the new baby.
- Boundaries and Discipline: While it’s important to empathise with your child’s feelings, it’s also crucial to set clear boundaries. Let your preschooler know that aggressive behaviour, like hitting or pushing, is never acceptable. Be consistent with consequences as consistency in your discipline helps your child understand the connection between their actions and the consequences.
- One-on-One Time: Podar Preschool’s co-founder, Dr. Swati Vats, says that sometimes children throw tantrums like delaying sleeping or acting more needy to spend more time with parents. This happens because they miss the attention they were getting otherwise. Spending some one-on-one time with them such as reading their favourite book, playing a game, or going for a walk together is a great way to tackle this.
- Involve Your Preschooler: Involving your preschooler in caring for the new baby can help them feel connected and important. Give them simple tasks, like handing you a diaper, helping choose baby clothes, or singing a song to the baby. This helps them feel proud and reduces the chance of them feeling left out.
- Create a Safe Space: Sometimes, preschoolers act out because they feel like they don’t have control over their environment. Create a space for your child where they can retreat when they need a break. When your preschooler feels overwhelmed, give them the option to go to their safe space for a little while.
- Acknowledge Their Specialness: Sometimes, the arrival of a new sibling can make an older child feel like they’re no longer as important. To counter this, emphasise how special and unique your preschooler is. Simple affirmations like “You are such a great big sibling!” can go a long way in reinforcing their sense of worth.
Conclusion
Managing sibling aggression takes time. Be patient, set clear boundaries, and give your child the reassurance they need to adjust to the new family dynamic. With consistency and a little extra attention, your preschoolers will learn how to express their emotions in healthier ways and adjust to the changes with a sense of security, eventually improving the sibling relationship.
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